You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
