it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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