I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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