No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Let's paint friendship bongs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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