Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
