...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
