You're so nebulous sometimes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
