Already got asked if we're dating
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
