Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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