I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
