she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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