Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
