very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
