dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
