his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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