hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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