My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
