Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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