Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize