Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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