the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
