The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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