chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
