I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
