If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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