We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
