and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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