is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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