Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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