hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
