a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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