You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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