i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
