I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
