so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
