i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
