Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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