i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
