Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
