Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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