The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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