Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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