i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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