I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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