oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
