I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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