Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
