Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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