it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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