did you get engaged???
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
