Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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