I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Randomize
