I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize