i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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