Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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