My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
