my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
