Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
