I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize