Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
