I heard we made out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My legs feel like baby dolphins
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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