Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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