my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
