i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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