i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
