Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize